I just finished reading this book, and although I can say with confidence immediately that it is by far one of my favorite books, its not for the same reasons that I would recommend it to others.  I’m not sure I would recommend this to anyone to read.  I don’t remember what it was in the books description that caught my eye, or peaked my interest, but it was something, and its that same something that is strangely quiet and contemplative inside of me right now after having finished reading the last page.

I’m sorry if this is more of a blog post then a real book review, and true to how most of my reviews seem to pan out – I think that a description of how I felt about the book rather then a description of what it is about seems more appropriate.  I don’t like writing traditional book reviews – but that’s a story for another day.

Its more then important to note that before you go out and spend any money on this book – you should read the forward at the beginning.  The author clearly prepares you for what is not necessarily a happy book, it is filled with darkness and struggle throughout.  I will be honest and say that I found myself silently crying more then a few times as I continued to read – unable to stop once I had started.

If you manage to read through the author’s forward about the book, and still decide that you want to continue, then I recommend that you get comfortable to read the whole thing without pause.  Its the sort of story that engulfs you and takes over your thoughts until the very end.  Even now, I’m finding it hard to pull myself away from all of the thoughts and feelings it has stirred up inside of me.

This story was not about the world building for me, it was about the characters and the harsh realities of their lives – that on the outside aren’t so harsh.  The emotional struggles are real and palpable, and I felt myself suffer along with the pain and heartache, and then try to recover myself to being hopeful and strong.

To say that this book has impacted me would be a grand understatement.  I felt such an overwhelming identification with the characters in ‘Volition’, that I’m both slightly unsettled, and deeply moved.  But that is the dark part of me talking, the part that the book was written for.

I haven’t spoken since reading the last pages, I’ve turned myself over to writing down my impressions before I’ll be ready to.  Written words are cathartic to me  in much the same way that writing ‘Volition’ was for Lily Pradis – as she states in her forward.  The need to put down something on paper so that you can look at it from another point of view, and then find a way to accept it for what it truly is, without hating it or or making excuses for it, to slowly craft those words into something that you’ll be ready to let go of, for better or worse – that is what this is for me.

Even as I write this, I feel myself slowly slipping back out of the dark place I found myself in while reading.  Its a place I will go again when I re-read it in a years time – because that is the sort of book this is for me.  Its a dark indulgence, a chance to feel all of those things that don’t have a place in your normal life, but you know that if you shut them out for too long, they will come roiling to the surface when you aren’t ready for them.  I will re-read this book for the same reasons that I love ‘Great Expectations’ and ‘Never Let Me Go’.  The dark conflicting strange beauty of them will forever draw me back, to indulge myself in something so completely different from what I normally read, and a world that I don’t live in everyday.

Thank you Lily, for sharing ‘Volition’.